My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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