He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
