it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize