Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
