I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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