god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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