I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
