you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize