If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We need to get me chipped asap
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
