Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize