As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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