1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
third nipple confirmed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
