He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize