take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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