This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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