the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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