just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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