Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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