I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i came on her dog
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
