I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
