i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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