I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
