Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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