i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We need to get me chipped asap
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
