all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
