He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
