you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
