Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
