I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
