we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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