I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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