what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
