R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
