remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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