I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
