it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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