and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
