Im at strip club and am horny
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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