I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
