just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
