Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
