If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
