Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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