Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
