we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
