am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
