tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think people are normalizing furries
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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