please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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