apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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