Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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