He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
