You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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