I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
