dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
