I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
