i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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