Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
