I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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