My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
