omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
