we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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