He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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