is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
