wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
