my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Im part way to drunk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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