Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
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