I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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